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  1. #1
    CPA Network Rep Jon@Fluxads's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 9th, 2005
    Sun Diego
    Talking ....Fly Qantas
    ....Fly Qantas

    Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a

    form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.

    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

    S: That's what they're for.

    P: IFF inoperative.

    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.

    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.

    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.

    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.

    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last.................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget
    Jon Lyons
    Director of Affiliate Operations | 1-877-GO-2-FLUX |


  2. #2
    Join Date
    March 2nd, 2006
    hahahaha oh no I'm crying that's funny!

  3. #3
    ABW Ambassador meadowmufn's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Uhh.. WAS the only major airline without an accident.
    -Don't criticize anyone til you've walked a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
    - Silence is golden. Duct Tape is silver.

  4. #4
    I like traffic lights
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Southern hemisphere - away from Fukushima
    Yes, as soon as I read that, I thought of that rather embarassing "dig the nose into the ground" incident.

    But I'd still fly them over a large number of other airlines.

  5. #5
    ABW Ambassador
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Los Angeles
    That is very, very funny!

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