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  1. #1
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    Join Date
    February 3rd, 2006
    Posts
    26
    Six Affairs
    The 1st Affair

    A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went
    to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and
    woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his
    shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and
    drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you,"
    he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all
    afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard!
    You've been playing golf.


    The 2nd Affair


    A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
    having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
    wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful
    father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the
    ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I can be
    the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
    Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and
    replied: "Not this time!"


    The 3rd Affair


    A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr.
    Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz
    had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,"
    the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an
    impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed
    it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home "I have something to
    show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. "My
    God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"


    The 4th Affair


    A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil
    all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell
    you," she said. " pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the husband
    inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a statue," she replied. "the
    Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too." No more was
    said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and
    nobody offered me a damned thing."


    The 5th Affair


    A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
    "Certainly, Sir. That'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He
    glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a
    bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the
    man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied:
    "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with
    your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his
    business down here."


    The 6th Affair


    Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said
    weakly: "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to," his wife
    replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your
    sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," she
    replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."

  2. #2
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    12,360
    LOL X6 - Thanks for the giggles Sam!
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


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