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December 17th, 2001, 09:09 AM #1
'Twas the Night before Christmas" (Programmer Style)
Twas the night before implementation and all through the house,
not a program was working not even in browse.
The programmer's all hung by their tubes in despair,
with hopes that a miracle soon would be there.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out by the mainframes there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a systems programmer, with a case of cold beer!
His 'JCL' lustered, his 'BAL' how it shimmered;
and his 'COMMAND CICS', oh how it glimmered.
His resume glowed with experience so rare,
He turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
LOAD UPDATE! ADD! INQUIRY! DELETE!
All BATCH JOBS! FILE CLOSINGS! all FUNCTIONS COMPLETE!
His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
From weekends and nights in front of a screen.
A wink of an eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning spec's into code; this guy was no jerk.
As he laid his finger upon the 'ENTER' key,
The system came up and worked perfectly.
The UPDATES updated; The DELETES, they deleted;
The INQUIRIES inquired, and FILE CLOSINGS completed.
He tested each whistle, and he tested each bell.
With nary an 'ABEND'; all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded.
With even the user's last changes included.
And the users exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but not what I want!"
Courtesy of http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/computin...fore-xmas.html
December 17th, 2001, 09:28 AM #2
- Join Date
- January 18th, 2005
LOL!!! Wowwwwww MouseJockey!!! That was awesome. Did you write that?? Too cute, too cute. LOL!!!
December 17th, 2001, 09:38 AM #3
- Join Date
- January 18th, 2005
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>His 'JCL' lustered, his 'BAL' how it shimmered;
and his 'COMMAND CICS', oh how it glimmered.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Ahhh.... Boy, this takes me back a year or two. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]
Time to get out the Oldies again.
Thanks for sharing.
December 17th, 2001, 02:12 PM #4
That's one for David Elam...especially the last lines!
December 17th, 2001, 03:26 PM #5
I just got this one in the e-mail I thought I would share it as the bottom verse might just come true after we have defeated these scumware merchants [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen; I was cooking and baking and moanin' and *****in'. I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest. This room's a disaster, just look at this mess! Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed. They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need! My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs. There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing; frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done; my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs. I've had alI I can stand, I can't take anymore; Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady; then grins as he chuckles "The egg nog is ready!" He looks all around and with total regret, says, "What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife; He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life! He flees from the room in terror and pain and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell? Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell! I hate to admit when I make a mistake, but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE. What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead? If this is good living, I'd rather be dead. Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays; It just leaves me exhausted, all shakey and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year, You won't find me pulling my hair out in here. I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter; and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
December 17th, 2001, 04:59 PM #6
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