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  1. #1
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    The Top 20 Failed Haggis Marketing Ploys
    Definition of haggis:

    made of sheep's or calf's viscera minced with oatmeal and suet and onions and boiled in the animal's stomach
    Sounds yummy to me!

    Freeze-dried Haggis, the official haggis of NASA
    Haggis On a Stick
    Kentucky Fried Haggis, in extra-crispy or the Colonel Original secret recipe
    Stove-Slop Haggis, instead of potatoes
    Baaaaaa-B-Q, with peat &'s mesquite flavoring
    Mountain Ewe, totally refreshing carbonated haggis beverage. Do the Ewe!
    Cup o' Guts Instant Haggis
    Entrail Mix: Natural Snack
    Mix &'s Eat Cream of Sheep
    Wool-Whip Non-dairy dessert topping
    H.L.T.
    Moo Goo Gai Viscera
    Haggis Joy and Mounds: Sometimes you feel like a gut. Sometimes you don't....
    Bleaties Cereal, breakfast of Champions
    Shish ke Baaaaaaaab
    Ram-Burger Helper
    Chockful o' Guts Haggis Coffee: Gut to the last drop!
    Pedialights: Haggis for the wee bairn
    Two all-sheep haggis, special sauce, lettuce, cheese......
    Haggis Dazs: Premium Haggis Ice Cream
    http://www.icw-net.com/howto/funstuff/haggis.htm

  2. #2
    Troll Killer and best Snooper!
    I decide when the pigs fly!
    Rhea's Avatar
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    Ranks (in more ways than one) right up there with lutefisk. :shudder:

    http://whatscookingamerica.net/Histo...iskHistory.htm

  3. #3
    Full Member markschok's Avatar
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    A guy in hospital complains that since he arrived, all he's had to eat, breakfast lunch and dinner, is haggis.

    The nurse says - Well, what else did you expect in the Burns unit.





    Hope you get that.

  4. #4
    ABW Ambassador Paul_Ward's Avatar
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    I love haggis. The best meal I had recently was a boiled haggis with new potatoes and steamed spring cabbage - delicious.

    Ode To A Haggis - Robert Burns
    Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, cheerful

    Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!

    Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Above

    Painch, tripe, or thairm: paunch/guts

    Weel are ye wordy of a grace worthy

    As lang's my arm.



    The groaning trencher there ye fill,

    Your hurdies like a distant hill, buttocks

    Your pin wad help to mend a mill skewer

    In time o' need,

    While thro' your pores the dews distil

    Like amber bead.



    His knife see rustic Labour dight, wipe

    An' cut you up wi' ready sleight, skill

    Trenching your gushing entrails bright Digging

    Like onie ditch;

    And then, O what a glorious sight,

    Warm-reekin, rich! -steaming



    Then, horn for horn, they strech an' strive: spoon

    Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,

    Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve, bellies/soon

    Are bent like drums;

    Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive, burst

    'Bethanket!' hums.



    Is there that owre his French ragout

    Or olio that wad staw a sow, sicken

    Or fricassee wad mak her spew

    Wi' perfect sconner, disgust

    Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view

    On sic a dinner?





    Poor devil! see him owre his trash,

    As feckless as a wither'd rash, weak/rush

    His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash,

    His nieve a nit; fist/nut

    Thro' bluidy flood or field to dash,

    O how unfit!



    But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,

    The trembling earth resounds his tread.

    Clap in his walie nieve a blade, choice

    He'll make it whissle;

    An' legs, an' arms, an' heads will sned, trim

    Like taps o' thrissle. tops/thistle



    Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,

    And dish them out their bill o'fare,

    Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware watery

    That jaups in luggies; splashes/porringers

    But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,

    Gie her a Haggis!

  5. #5
    Full Member markschok's Avatar
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    The Selkirk Grace

    Some hae meat and cannot eat.
    Some cannot eat that want it:
    But we hae meat and we can eat,
    Sae let the Lord be thankit.

    Simple, but still one of my favouritres, apart from a couple of others.

  6. #6
    ABW Adviser Panel Dynamoo's Avatar
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    Oh yes I love haggis, trouble is that Mrs Moo is a veggie and veggie haggises aren't always available (yes, there really are such things!)

    Of course, the classic combination is haggis, mashed potate and neeps (i.e. mashed swede which is a sort of turnip). Once cooked you can fry it in a pan too, which is quite nice.. even put it in a sandwich. Baked beans go pretty well with haggis too. Nice *soft* food!
    Innovative advertising with Slimeware Corporation and Telephore. Mail-order fuel with Petrol Direct.

  7. #7
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    Baked beans go pretty well with haggis too. Nice *soft* food!
    Beans, beans the musical fruit;
    The more you eat, the more you toot.
    ________________________________
    I finally looked up the definition:

    viscera
    noun: internal organs collectively (especially those in the
    abdominal cavity); "`viscera' is the plural form of
    `viscus'" [syn: entrails, innards]
    See, now I thought entrails meant something completely different - like rocky mountain oysters.

    One of the organs, as the brain, heart, or stomach, in the
    great cavities of the body of an animal; -- especially used
    in the plural, and applied to the organs contained in the
    abdomen.
    So which innards traditionally go into the mix that stuffs the stomach, I wonder - heart, liver, kidneys?
    Last edited by webworker; April 26th, 2006 at 05:49 AM.

  8. #8
    ABW Ambassador Paul_Ward's Avatar
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    Heart, lungs, liver, fat and oatmeal seem to be the main ingredients.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/da...is_66072.shtml

    http://thefoody.com/meat/haggis.html

  9. #9
    OOOPS just realized was an old POST, LOL GethsemeneRose's Avatar
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    How about Haggis Helper the funny thing is I was trying to figure out how to market just the one product line but now I have 20 more I can do ... will take some time to figure out the final design concept on some but watch for them they will arrive eventually. Thanx. If you would like to affiliate with me and help me sell Haggis Helper then click on my sig line.
    :gnome: [URL]www.gethsemenerose.com[/URL] :gnome: As for me and my SITE we shall serve the LORD!

  10. #10
    ABW Adviser Panel Dynamoo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Ward
    Heart, lungs, liver, fat and oatmeal seem to be the main ingredients.
    Quite a lot of oatmeal though. That's why veggie haggises work quite well.

    If you think it sounds like a nasty combination.. well, it's probably better than you'll find in a cheap sausage. I remember reading the ingredients for a popular American foodstuff called Vienna Sausage (it comes in tins)... which appears to be mostly comprised of animal rectums and eyelids.
    Innovative advertising with Slimeware Corporation and Telephore. Mail-order fuel with Petrol Direct.

  11. #11
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    yuck they need to change their ingredient list to something like bung openings and sight covers

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