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June 23rd, 2006, 08:46 AM #1Rules of Housework
The Rules Of Housework
1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions CarpetFresh.
2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.
3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your spouse points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.
6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children.
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."
8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."
9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident...I haven't had the heart to clean it..."
10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."
June 29th, 2006, 01:35 PM #2
lol........and always remember, housework if done correctly, can kill you.
(I forgot where I first heard this, but it really cracked me up).
June 29th, 2006, 02:37 PM #3
Housework? What's that?Affiliate Marketing - The hardest easy money I ever made.
June 29th, 2006, 02:57 PM #4
UGH ... pay someone to clean and it becomes bearable plus your house is always presentable. :-) Whoever is doing this work should absolutely be getting PAID for it so if it's you and no one's paying you, hire someone and pay that someone. Consider it your contribution to keeping the unemployment rate down. It's the PATRIOTIC thing to do! LOL
June 29th, 2006, 03:28 PM #5
June 29th, 2006, 04:46 PM #6
I may have posted this here before, hell, I may have seen it here, but I love this one:
Always have a selection of get well cards at home. When people are coming over, put them up on the mantle. They will assume that you have not been feeling well so that's why the house looks the way that it does.
June 29th, 2006, 04:56 PM #7Originally Posted by RexanneAffiliate Marketing - The hardest easy money I ever made.
June 29th, 2006, 06:12 PM #8Originally Posted by missdonna
You're a perfect candidate for a robot when they become available. I can't wait to get one and program it to clean and put everything back EXACTLY as it is found.
July 13th, 2006, 01:13 AM #9
I'm just the opposite; about the only thing clean in my house is my desk! I'm anal about my desk - my husband and kids would definately agree!
August 10th, 2015, 03:36 AM #10
- Join Date
- July 31st, 2015
I'm living with a mate and I'm known as Monica (if its not at a right angle its a wrong angle). We decided to get a cleaner once a week that does the stuff we don't want to (which to my housemate means everything), for an extra £20 she'll do it in her maids outfit!
Our general rule is, whoever was using the room, should empty it before going to bed.
We are the envy of our friends (mainly the women), as we have a spotless gadget house!
August 24th, 2015, 09:28 PM #11
August 26th, 2015, 08:18 AM #12
This is great. I'm stealing this and posting it as a fb post. Lmao
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