Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.

Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.

Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.

Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You're arrested.
Worse: By your husband.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: So did the postman.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.

Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
Bad: It's performance art.

Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.

Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.

Good: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas."
Bad: For real.

Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's thirteen.

Good: Your son's doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.

Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter's the star.

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.

Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.

Good: Your wife's kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.