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Thread: Program Pre-Launch Contest: Best Telephone Joke -- $200.00 Cash Prize

  1. #1
    AM Navigator Geno Prussakov's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Program Pre-Launch Contest: Best Telephone Joke -- $200.00 Cash Prize
    Ladies & Gentlemen,

    We are preparing a launch/announcement of a partnership with a new merchant. I know you're gonna luv it just for the way it will be, but how can I pass an opportunity to make it a fun launch?!

    So... Let's run a pre-launch contest for the Best Telephone Joke

    Definitions first:

    The telephone or phone is a telecommunications device which is used to transmit and receive sound (most commonly voice and speech) across distance. Most telephones operate through transmission of electric signals over a complex telephone network which allows almost any phone user to communicate with almost any other. [Source: Wikipedia]
    CONTEST DETAILS:

    Eligibility: Any ABW-er may post as many telephone-related jokes as they want. You may pick them up wherever you want. They must be posted in this thread only (one joke per post).

    Procedure: The jokes will be taken for two weeks, or through Wednesday, 28 February. At midday EST on 02.28.07 I will close this thread, and pick the jokes to vote for. A poll will then be run, where you will pick the winner.

    Prize: 100.00 GBs of instant cash in your PayPal account.


    Looking forward to your contributions!!


    Geno

  2. #2
    ABW Founder Haiko de Poel, Jr.'s Avatar
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    I'll kick in $100 also( via paypal), lets get some real good jokes!
    Continued Success,

    Haiko
    The secret of success is constancy of purpose ~ Disraeli

  3. #3
    AM Navigator Geno Prussakov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haiko de Poel, Jr.
    I'll kick in $100 also (via paypal), lets get some real good jokes!
    Thank you, Haiko!

    So now the prize fund is 200.00 ($100 Genobucks + $100 Haikobucks).

    Geno

  4. #4
    ABW Ambassador Ron Bechdolt's Avatar
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    Everyone is googling the words "Telephone Jokes". I need to find some obscure search engine I guess.

    Just for clarrification are you talking about "Prank Calls"?
    Ron Bechdolt | Affiliate Program Management Consultant
    7 Days A Week Marketing

  5. #5
    AM Navigator Geno Prussakov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 7-days
    Just for clarrification are you talking about "Prank Calls"?
    I am not restricting it to any one topic. Any telephone-related jokes qualify. Jokes involving telephones, cell phones, any phones will qualify. Prank calls will do too if you want to post them.

    Geno

  6. #6
    ABW Ambassador Ron Bechdolt's Avatar
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    One time this Affliate called his Affiliate Manger to say all his sales from last July did not track....

    No wait, that's not a prank call, that's a nightmare.

    Great contest Geno, can't wait to read the jokes that come in.
    Ron Bechdolt | Affiliate Program Management Consultant
    7 Days A Week Marketing

  7. #7
    ABW Ambassador netnow22's Avatar
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    What do you get when you cross a dog with a telephone?

    A golden receiver!

  8. #8
    Online Marketing Consultant
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    OK I'll start it with a dumb one.

    A blond and a brunette fell off a building, who hit first?

    The brunette. The blonde had to stop to find her cell phone and call for directions.
    Adam Riemer Marketing, LLC. Online Marketing Blog and Affiliate Management Company
    Do you need help with your Marketing or Sales funneling, write me at adamr (at) adamriemer (dot) me

  9. #9
    ABW Ambassador netnow22's Avatar
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    Jack locked up his bar and headed home. He'd been asleep a few minutes when the telephone rang. "What time do you open in the morning?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire. "You might as well stop calling," Jack shouted. "There's no way I'm letting a drunk like you into my bar!" "I don't want to get in," the caller interjected. "I want to get out!"

  10. #10
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    John Madden was at a Denver Broncos game and noticed a guarded red phone beside the head coach. He asked the coach about the phone, and the coach responded, "That's the phone that connects to God." Madden said, "God? Can I use it?" The coach said, "It will cost you $1,000." Madden paid the $1,000 and called God. After talking to Him, he was able to predict the scores of the upcoming games. He was 100 percent accurate.

    The next week he was in Green Bay and saw another red phone. Again, he received the same response and paid the $1,000. Madden used the phone and was able to predict the games for the next week.

    On the third week, he was in Dallas and there it was the red phone. He asked if he could use the phone, and the coach responded that it would cost a quarter. Madden couldn't believe it. At Green Bay and Denver he had paid $1,000 each. The Dallas coach reassured him that yes, it was only a quarter because it's a local call.
    Michael Coley
    Amazing-Bargains.com
     Affiliate Tips | Merchant Best Practices | Affiliate Friendly? | Couponing | CPA Networks? | ABW Tips | Activating Affiliates
    "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." Nelson Mandela

  11. #11
    Online Marketing Consultant
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    Adam Riemer Marketing, LLC. Online Marketing Blog and Affiliate Management Company
    Do you need help with your Marketing or Sales funneling, write me at adamr (at) adamriemer (dot) me

  12. #12
    AM Navigator Geno Prussakov's Avatar
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    A RUSSIAN ONE:

    A phone rang:

    - Is Vasily there?
    - No, you must've dialed a wrong number

    Five minutes later it rang again and a different voice asked:

    - May I speak with Vasily?
    - ... There is no Vasily at this number!

    Two minutes later a lady called:

    - Vasily?!
    - No!!



















    Phone rang again:

    - Hello
    - Hi! This is Vasily calling. Has anyone called for me?

  13. #13
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    If you have a warped sense of humor, you have to listen to this prank call:

    http://www.blackout.com/dogbeaters.htm

    Gladys cracks me up!
    Michael Coley
    Amazing-Bargains.com
     Affiliate Tips | Merchant Best Practices | Affiliate Friendly? | Couponing | CPA Networks? | ABW Tips | Activating Affiliates
    "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." Nelson Mandela

  14. #14
    ABW Ambassador netnow22's Avatar
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    What do you call a large person who constantly calls up people, pretending to be somebody else?
    A big phone-y!

    A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
    The wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
    "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
    Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?"
    And his lovely wife replies, "I don't any idea who it was.
    It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

    What do you get when you cross a telephone with a pair of pants?
    Bell-bottoms!

    Ring Ring...
    Hello, who is it?
    Is your phone number 13498732?
    No.
    So, why do you pick up the phone?

    Why are there no phone books in China?
    Because there are so many Wing's and Wong's, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.

    A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the young
    businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal
    working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
    Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
    The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone!"

  15. #15
    ABW Ambassador netnow22's Avatar
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    A phone company puts an ad in the paper that they are recruiting workers.
    The next day, two groups of workers show up. A crew of five Italian men and a crew of five blonde women.
    The company cannot decide whom to give the job to, so they give them a test. The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that they must install into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first, they will get the job."
    Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back.
    A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the Italian crew returns.
    "YAY!!" they shout. "We came back first, we get the job!!"
    "Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other
    crew comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of traffic, or that the truck broke down."
    "Fine, no problem," say the men.
    An hour passes, two hours pass, three hours. Finally, at 12:00, the Blonde crew arrives. The entire group is flushed and breathing hard, as if they had just gone through harsh labour.
    "What happened to you? What took so long?" asks the boss incredulously.
    "What do you mean, 'what took so long? Do we get the job?"
    "YOU get the job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!"
    "Well, of course they were," say the blondes. "They only put the pole in
    halfway!!"


    What is the cheapest time to call your friends long distance?
    When they're not home!

    How many rabbits can you fit in an empty phone booth?
    One, after that it isn't empty.

  16. #16
    ABW Veteran Mr. Sal's Avatar
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    How many rabbits can you fit in an empty phone booth?
    One, after that it isn't empty.
    Sorry, but that can't be!

    It take's two to tango.
    ...

  17. #17
    Full Member Crocket's Avatar
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    Sales Dept: Hello, How may I help you?
    Caller: Do you have Prince Albert in the can?
    Sales Dept: Yes we do.
    Caller: Then you better let him out before he runs out of air.
    Sales Dept: CLICK

  18. #18
    Full Member Crocket's Avatar
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    Do you know how to make your spouse scream when your having sex?

    Its easy, you just pick up the handset in the motel room and give them a call.

  19. #19
    Full Member Crocket's Avatar
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    Answering Machine: Hello, sorry we can't take your call right now, we prescreen for callers we don't like. If we don't return your call, then the chances are it was you!

  20. #20
    Full Member Crocket's Avatar
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    This one is a tried and true office prank:


    Dial the phone number of the coworker in the next cubicle whenever they walk away from their desk. Hang up before they can run back to answer it. Repeat often and hold hand over your mouth to muffle any laughing sounds that might escape

  21. #21
    Full Member Crocket's Avatar
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    Post your boss's telephone number to the alt.sex.prostitution discussion group.

  22. #22
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
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    An illegal alien is trying to cross the border into the United States from Mexico. The border patrol agent stops him and, finding the illegal has no entry papers, turns him back. The illegal alien pleads with the border patrol guy to let him into the country as his wife about to give birth on the other side and he wants to be with her.

    The border patrol guy decides to play along:

    "OK, if you can make a sentence in English using the words green, pink and yellow, I'll let you cross."

    The illegal stammers:

    "The phone green, I pink it up and say yellow!"
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  23. #23
    Full Member Crocket's Avatar
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    Joke to play on someone you know:

    Replace all the numbers they have stored in their phone memory with unusual phone numbers (odd 1-800's, strange companies, etc.). Keep the original names there, but just replace the numbers that are stored in memory. When your victim tries to call one of the people in their memory, they'll get a surprise!

  24. #24
    Super Dawg Member Phil Kaufman aka AffiliateHound's Avatar
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    Ring...Ring.


    sob..sob...he..hello..sob

    Hi, honey, its your mother. What's wrong? Why are you crying?

    Oh, I've got this terrible cold, the kids are screaming and running all over the house, and its a terrible mess, and my husband just called, and he's bring his new boss over for dinner tonight. I don't know what to do.

    Don's worry. This is what I'll do. I'll take the bus to the produce mart and buy some fresh fruit and vegetables. Then I'll take another bus to the supermarket and buy some chicken and flour and baking pans and cake pans, and then I'll take the bus to the janitorial supply store and by some cleaning supplies. Then I'll take another bus to your house, and I'll cook the vegetables and the chicken, cut up the fruit, bake a couple of cakes, and while everything is cooking, I'll clean your house.

    Oh mom, that's wonderful!!!

    Anything for my Judy.

    Judy? Who's Judy?

    Is this 555-1234?

    No......






    ... Does this mean you're not coming?

  25. #25
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
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    Have any of you taken the phone IQ test? Just dial 1-800-4-YOUR-IQ.
    Michael Coley
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    "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." Nelson Mandela

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