Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 26
  1. #1
    Moderator MichaelColey's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Mansfield, TX
    Posts
    16,232
    Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee
    Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee

    · You answer the door before people knock.

    · Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

    · You ski uphill.

    · You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

    · You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

    · You lick your coffeepot clean.

    · You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.

    · Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

    · You chew on other people’s fingernails.

    · Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”

    · You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.

    · You can jump-start your car without cables.

    · Cocaine is a downer.

    · You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.

    · Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”

    · You don’t sweat, you percolate.

    · You buy ½ & ½ by the barrel.

    · You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

    · You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

    · You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.

    · You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

    · Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

    · You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

    · People get dizzy just watching you.

    · You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.

    · The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.

    · Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

    · Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

    · Instant coffee takes too long.

    · When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”

    · You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

    · Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

    · You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.

    · You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

    · You can thread a sewing machine, while it’s running.

    · You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

    · You short out motion detectors.

    · You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.

    · Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

    · You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.

    · You don’t tan, you roast.

    · You can’t even remember your second cup.

    · You help your dog chase its tail.
    Michael Coley
    Amazing-Bargains.com
     Affiliate Tips | Merchant Best Practices | Affiliate Friendly? | Couponing | CPA Networks? | ABW Tips | Activating Affiliates
    "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." Nelson Mandela

  2. #2
    Antisocial Media Expert ProWebAddict's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 25th, 2006
    Location
    Go Daddy
    Posts
    1,109
    I've tried to sneeze with my eyes open...it doesnt quite work.

  3. #3
    The Seal of Aproval rematt's Avatar
    Join Date
    November 19th, 2006
    Location
    The Windy City
    Posts
    4,140
    First off - there's no such thing as "too much coffee". I'd never ruin a good (or bad) cup of coffee by adding anything to it (besides Kahlua). And I don't attend AA meetings just for the coffee. It's also a great place to meet girls that like to party.

    -rematt
    "I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." - Richard Nixon

  4. #4
    Outsourced Program Manager Angel Djambazov's Avatar
    Join Date
    November 8th, 2005
    Posts
    1,019
    Yesterday I had 8 shots of espresso and a Whoopass energy drink before 2pm. Caffeine is my friend.
    Angel Djambazov
    Managing Edtior ReveNews
    OPM for Keen Shoes and Graphicly.com

  5. #5
    Full Member
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Posts
    284
    In Miami, on the way down to breakfast, the elevator got stuck between floors. After about 20 minutes someone pryed the doors open a bit to tell me they would have me out ASAP... did I need anything?

    I shouted COFFEE - JUST COFFEE - NOW!!!!

    A thermos was quickly provided As I drank the hot black brew I realized I was truly addicted..... shrugged and finished the entire thermos.

    And no... I did not climb the side of the elevator and claw the door open... I would have needed a second thermos
    CharPaula
    Staying focused on the bottomline

  6. #6
    AM Navigator Geno Prussakov's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 10th, 2005
    Location
    Washington D.C. Metro Area
    Posts
    11,798
    Thank you for this, Michael!! My favorite ones are:

    Quote Originally Posted by MichaelColey
    · You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.

    · You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.

  7. #7
    Beachy Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    November 20th, 2005
    Posts
    8,266
    Quote Originally Posted by rematt
    ...I'd never ruin a good (or bad) cup of coffee by adding anything to it (besides Kahlua)....
    I am in agreement with that - except on a cold winter morning a little blackberry brandy is also good with a Saturday or Sunday morning cup of coffee. But without the Kahlua or brandy I like my coffee the way nature intended - right out of the bean.
    Bill / Marketing Blog @ 12PM - Current project: Resurrecting my "baby" at South Baltimore..
    Cute Personal Checks and Business Checks
    If you are too busy to laugh you are too busy.

  8. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    September 27th, 2007
    Posts
    119
    Think I'm the only one in here who doesn't like coffee that mutch
    I'd prefer a nice cup of tea

  9. #9
    Network Rep & ABW Ambassador Carolyn - ShareASale's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 6th, 2005
    Posts
    2,664
    Lolll!!!

  10. #10
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    12,360
    Quote Originally Posted by charpaula
    In Miami, on the way down to breakfast, the elevator got stuck between floors. After about 20 minutes someone pryed the doors open a bit to tell me they would have me out ASAP... did I need anything?

    I shouted COFFEE - JUST COFFEE - NOW!!!!

    A thermos was quickly provided As I drank the hot black brew I realized I was truly addicted..... shrugged and finished the entire thermos.
    OMG - my worst nightmare. Thank God they were able to squeeze a thermos in for you. Would have been horrible to be a smoker in that elevator.
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  11. #11
    Outsourced Program Manager Brent E.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    September 26th, 2006
    Posts
    962
    I have a Starbucks coffee machine at work that grinds the fresh beans up on the spot and makes you an individual cup of Joe. It is one of the best cups of coffee I have ever had, and I get to have it 5 times a day!

    Frangelico is delicous in coffee, i recommend trying it. You dont need a lot, that stuff is fairly sweet.
    Brent Elias
    Affiliate Manager/Acceleration-Partners
    Belias(AT)acceleration-partners.com
    "God Grant That Men Of Principle, Shall Be Our Principle Men" - Thomas Jefferson

  12. #12
    Network Rep & ABW Ambassador Carolyn - ShareASale's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 6th, 2005
    Posts
    2,664
    Your boss lets you drink at work?!?!

  13. #13
    Affiliate Manager David Carter's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 8th, 2006
    Posts
    237
    mmmmmmmmmmm coffee....
    David Carter
    MagazinesQuick.com

  14. #14
    Affiliate Manager David Carter's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 8th, 2006
    Posts
    237
    And Carolyn, watch your step with that comment, someone may start a good story.
    David Carter
    MagazinesQuick.com

  15. #15
    Outsourced Program Manager Brent E.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    September 26th, 2006
    Posts
    962
    Quote Originally Posted by Carolyn - ShareASale
    Your boss lets you drink at work?!?!
    You should know by now that i do whatever I please over here.

    And no he doesn't.
    Brent Elias
    Affiliate Manager/Acceleration-Partners
    Belias(AT)acceleration-partners.com
    "God Grant That Men Of Principle, Shall Be Our Principle Men" - Thomas Jefferson

  16. #16
    Beachy Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    November 20th, 2005
    Posts
    8,266
    Quote Originally Posted by Brent E.
    ...Frangelico is delicous in coffee, i recommend trying it. You dont need a lot, that stuff is fairly sweet.
    Ah...yes. I use a splash of that (along with 5 other liquors ) when I mix up my Irish Coffee recipe. It adds just a touch of hazelnut taste.
    Bill / Marketing Blog @ 12PM - Current project: Resurrecting my "baby" at South Baltimore..
    Cute Personal Checks and Business Checks
    If you are too busy to laugh you are too busy.

  17. #17
    The Seal of Aproval rematt's Avatar
    Join Date
    November 19th, 2006
    Location
    The Windy City
    Posts
    4,140
    Beachy, I just clicked the Anal Glaucoma link in your signature. I love it!

    I know, this has nothing to do with coffee. But I am on my third pot for the day.

    -rematt
    "I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." - Richard Nixon

  18. #18
    Affiliate Manager Alan Hamilton's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 13th, 2006
    Location
    Colorado / Florida
    Posts
    4,411
    Quote Originally Posted by Angel Djambazov
    Yesterday I had 8 shots of espresso and a Whoopass energy drink before 2pm. Caffeine is my friend.
    Angel, we welcome you to stop into one of our Mountain Bean Coffee shops when you are in my neck of the woods. The first six shots are on us!!
    Join the Spicy Aprons Affiliate program on ShareASale Visit us on Facebook www.facebook.com/spicyaprons Follow us on Twitter @Spicyaprons

  19. #19
    Affiliate Manager Alan Hamilton's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 13th, 2006
    Location
    Colorado / Florida
    Posts
    4,411
    Quote Originally Posted by Brent E.
    I have a Starbucks coffee machine at work that grinds the fresh beans up on the spot and makes you an individual cup of Joe. It is one of the best cups of coffee I have ever had, and I get to have it 5 times a day!

    Frangelico is delicous in coffee, i recommend trying it. You dont need a lot, that stuff is fairly sweet.

    Brent, IMO your taste in Baseball teams is right on. But to refer to Starbucks as a quality coffee is like calling the Yankees "Boston's team"!! LOL. SB doesn't rate in the top 100. SB reminds me of the King who wore no clothes." They were finally dropped by three airlines after receiving too many passenger complaints about the bitter acidity caused by their burning (as opposed to roasting) of the low quality beans they buy. They do a wonderful job of marketing, but in the Barista world, their coffee is an atrocity. Of course, add enough chocolate, sugar, hazelut, soy, vanila, and more sugar and you can disguise anything. But hey, if you like it, that's all that counts too.
    Join the Spicy Aprons Affiliate program on ShareASale Visit us on Facebook www.facebook.com/spicyaprons Follow us on Twitter @Spicyaprons

  20. #20
    Merchant & ABW Ambassador
    Join Date
    May 31st, 2006
    Location
    Houston TX
    Posts
    4,731
    You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
    It felt like that when I was studying for my exam with pots and pots of coffee

    Quote Originally Posted by Angel Djambazov
    Yesterday I had 8 shots of espresso and a Whoopass energy drink before 2pm. Caffeine is my friend.
    I will be shooting off the wall with that.

  21. #21
    Newbie
    Join Date
    October 9th, 2007
    Location
    St. Louis Missouri
    Posts
    5
    omg who drinks 8 shots of espresso? I would very likely die if i did that

  22. #22
    The "other" left wing davidh's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Boston
    Posts
    3,492
    I would die if I didn't.
    CUSTOM BANNERS by GRAPHICS CANDY ~ Banner Sets and Website Graphics ~ Professional design, reasonable rates
    DESIGNER DOG CHECKS ~ We double-dog dare ya to write one!

  23. #23
    Life is Supposed to be Fun! Rexanne's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    12,360
    LOL David - me too.
    Peace,

    Rexanne

    Rexanne.com
    Loving Everyone's Child Creates Magic


  24. #24
    Outsourced Program Manager Angel Djambazov's Avatar
    Join Date
    November 8th, 2005
    Posts
    1,019
    On high pressure days, I easily do that. Normal days are two cup of coffee days. Not saying it's healthy but coffee is one of my few vices.
    Angel Djambazov
    Managing Edtior ReveNews
    OPM for Keen Shoes and Graphicly.com

  25. #25
    Analytics Dude Kevin's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 18th, 2005
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    5,904
    I love me some coffee too. I drink way too much. Like Lewis Black at IHOP....
    Kevin Webster
    twitter: levelanalytics

    Kayak Fishing
    Web Analytics and Affiliate Marketing

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. How much coffee do you drink?
    By Julian in forum Voting Booth
    Replies: 75
    Last Post: February 5th, 2012, 03:08 PM
  2. Help me with ideas for coffee shop signs
    By Alan Hamilton in forum Virtual Family and Off-Topic
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: January 5th, 2008, 09:41 AM
  3. Do you have Coffee, Coffee membership service traffic?
    By Andy Rodriguez in forum Andy Rodriguez Consulting
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: August 30th, 2006, 02:17 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •