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  1. #1
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    Those of us old enough to remember the old Hollywood Squares Game (before Whoopi) will appreciate these. Peter Marshall was the host. These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now. These are from the old Hollywood Squares show in the 70's.
    ____________________________

    Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

    A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
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    Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

    A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes.
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    Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

    A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
    ____________________________

    Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?

    A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
    ____________________________

    Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

    A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
    ____________________________

    Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?

    A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
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    Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?

    A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
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    Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

    A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
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    Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?

    A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
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    Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?

    A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
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    Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?

    A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
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    Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

    A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
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    Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?

    A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
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    Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

    A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
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    Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

    A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
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    Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body -- what is it?

    A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
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    Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?

    A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
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    Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

    A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
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    Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

    A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
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    Q: When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

    A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
    _____________________________

    Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

    A: Charley Weaver: His feet.
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    Q: Do female frogs croak?

    A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
    _____________________________

    Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect light?

    A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.
    _____________________________


    Brian
    aka Cyclone

    If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room~!

  2. #2
    2005 Linkshare Golden Link Award Winner  ecomcity's Avatar
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    ROLMAO as the comedians of that time were all quick witts. All all Charlies that funny??

    Charlie ...

    If they won't adopt and feed a bird ..flip them one! BBQ some Gator and remember to flush WhenU..

  3. #3
    ABW Ambassador Steveinid's Avatar
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    Hollywood Squares will never be the same without them. My other favorite was Jay or JJ??? I forget his name. He used to be in the top left square or the middle square.

    Thanks... I'm not easily amused when people post jokes but these made me Laugh out Loud.

  4. #4
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    Great post

    Gabe
    www.1lovecards.com

  5. #5
    ABW Ambassador webmarm's Avatar
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    Gads, I could really hear those voices and see the faces while reading that.

    - - - - -
    42. Yup, the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

  6. #6
    ABW Ambassador FFoc's Avatar
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    Yeah, esp. that Paul Lynde - his was unique..

    Ford Fox-body Owners Club
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  7. #7
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    Hollywood Squares is that show where old celebrities go to die, isn't it?

  8. #8
    Resident Genius and Staunch Capitalist Leader's Avatar
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    Thanks for compiling that list, of the only really funny jokes from Hollywood Squares!

    -Early in life, I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose honest arrogance and have seen no occasion to change. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

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