[MichaelColey]

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life

-----------------------------------------------------------

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.

-----------------------------------------------------------

What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A women who won't do what she's told.

-----------------------------------------------------------

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%!!! Its called wedding cake.

-----------------------------------------------------------

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man, and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man have rested.

-----------------------------------------------------------

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified. In read: "Wife Wanted" The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

-----------------------------------------------------------

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Why are womens feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the stove.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Why did the woman cross the road?
It doesn't matter, why was she out of the kitchen in the first place.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Why don't women need a watch?
There's a clock on the stove.

-----------------------------------------------------------

little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

-----------------------------------------------------------

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Man: "Where do you want to go for our Anniversary?"
Wife: "Somewhere I have never been!"
Man: "How about the kitchen?"

-----------------------------------------------------------

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads, "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continue on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect. "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left.

Wondering what they would be missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

[BeachBDM]

LMAO! I can take it!

Sandee

[bpal]

Originally Posted by MichaelColey

On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

[Rhea]

Well I would have just walked right out of that building. There's no floor marked, "Smart, Nice, Funny Men." And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why in spite of the fact that I am no great shakes in the looks department, I have always been popular with men.

[ProWebAddict]

Originally Posted by MichaelColey

-

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.

I have a hard time understanding that one myself...and I'm a woman.

[Rexanne]

Originally Posted by Rhea

Well I would have just walked right out of that building. There's no floor marked, "Smart, Nice, Funny Men."

- And add to that:

Men who don't consider women domestic slaves!

[Anne]

Whatever.

[bpal]

Originally Posted by Anne

Whatever.

Originally Posted by MichaelColey

-----------------------------------------------------------

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Hmmm...

[Anne]

Are you trying to start something?

[bpal]

Originally Posted by Anne

Are you trying to start something?

Not me!

[Anne]

Liar.

[bpal]

Like you said, whatever it is, blame you.

[Anne]

whatever

[bpal]

Originally Posted by Anne

whatever

You forgot punctuation this time.

[Anne]

What EVER!!!
Um, is that better? haha!

( content edited so I am not banned, lolol)

[rematt]

Originally Posted by Anne

What EVER... you anal retentive FREAK!
Um, is that better? haha!

What would Mickey say if he heard you type like that.

-rematt

[bpal]

Originally Posted by Anne

( content edited so I am not banned, lolol)

Rematt caught it in time... chalk one up for the men!

[Anne]

LOLO! Haiko, they made that up!!! I would never say anything like that EVER!

[knight01]

Simply fantastic Michael.

[rematt]

Originally Posted by Anne

LOLO! Haiko, they made that up!!! I would never say anything like that EVER!

Now, Now. Let's not make the problem worse by telling fibs. Looks to me like someone needs their fingers washed with soap.

-rematt

[Anne]

Haiko will believe me. That is all that matters. :0)

[MichaelColey]

Okay, these jokes are only for the women who can take it. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

[Anne]

Exactly. Here I am standing in the kitchen with a bunch of loser men... You guys get back to the dishes! Thanks for reminding me, I am leaving... LMAO!

[bpal]

...out of the kitchen...

[bpal]

Originally Posted by Anne

Exactly. Here I am standing in the kitchen with a bunch of loser men... Thanks for reminding me, I am leaving... LMAO!

Whatever.