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....Fly Qantas

 
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  #1  
Old
CPA Network Rep
Join Date: September 9th, 2005
Location: Sun Diego
Posts: 461
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....Fly Qantas

....Fly Qantas





Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a

form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.



Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last.................



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget
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  #2  
Old
Member
Join Date: March 2nd, 2006
Posts: 52
hahahaha oh no I'm crying that's funny!
  #3  
Old
ABW Ambassador
Join Date: January 18th, 2005
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,587
Uhh.. WAS the only major airline without an accident.


http://www.airdisaster.com/photos/qf1/1.jpg
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-Don't criticize anyone til you've walked a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
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  #4  
Old
I like traffic lights
Join Date: January 18th, 2005
Location: Southern hemisphere - away from Fukushima
Posts: 2,936
Yes, as soon as I read that, I thought of that rather embarassing "dig the nose into the ground" incident.

But I'd still fly them over a large number of other airlines.
  #5  
Old
ABW Ambassador
Join Date: January 18th, 2005
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 4,053
That is very, very funny!
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